Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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