i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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