You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
