hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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