Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
