were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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