I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize