New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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