oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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