i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
