So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
