so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
