This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
