Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
