i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
