After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
