A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
