ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
