The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
