if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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