note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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