We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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