I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
