What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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