I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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