Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
