I think im going to throw up on grandma
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
