When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
