Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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