just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
