Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The beer is more important than you right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
