i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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