I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
