She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
