if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the raccoons are back...
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