i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
