sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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