apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
