hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
