his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
