I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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