Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
