Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
