is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
