My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
