it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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