I puked a lego.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
