Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
