i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
