Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
