I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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