They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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