Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
