***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
