why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize