Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize