I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
whose parrot is this?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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