im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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