did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
