seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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