Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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