just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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