Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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