He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
