How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
