apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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