Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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