I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
